Prometheus (Ridley Scott) 2012

I figured I would do a short spoiler free review.  I’ve ranted for about an hour on video so I don’t really feel like saying that much more about it.  Besides,  I figure it would be fair to have a short synopsis in case you don’t want to hear me go on for a long time.

Prometheus is now the latest thing to have flame wars over on the Internet.  People are idiots for liking it, people are idiots for saying its the worst thing ever blah blah blah.  I suppose I need to clarify a few things.  For one I did say this was my worst movie of the year.  I realize there are movies out there that may qualify as being worse such as the Jack & Jills or the Bucky Larsons of the world.  I’ve never done a worst movies list partly because everyone has their own qualifications of worst.  Yes you can find some piece of shit shot by some hack who has no idea how to shoot a movie, how to tell a story, or have any likable characters.  But to me the truly worst movies are the ones you want to love.  They are the movies that crush you because you love the series or are expecting big things from it.  I really don’t give a shit when I see something like a horrible DTV Steven Seagal movie but when it is something I care about like Superman I absolutely get frustrated when it doesn’t meet expectations.

Prometheus isn’t just a disappointment; it is offensive.  It wants to appear deep asking all these questions about life, the universe, and anything but mostly it is a smoke screen for the fact they don’t have anything to say.  Much like LOST (for which both have the same writer) they shotgun you with mystery and questions to cover for the fact their story makes no sense.  I loathe the use of this word because most of the time people misuse it, but this is the very definition of pretentious.  I used kindergarten philosophy because Scott’s views on science, religion, and philosophy are childish at best and offensive at worst.

The plot is riddled with gigantic plot holes.  And yes, I have read all the apologetics for this movie and no, they don’t work at all.  It wouldn’t be as bad if not for the fact the characters were not incredibly stupid and unlikable.  It absolutely kills the tension and horror I’m feeling when I am screaming at the screen over things no rational or even irrational person would do.  Before you claim that Alien/Aliens did not have deep characters really go back and view those movies.  Even though you don’t learn all about their history, their dialog is so good we learn about who they are and how they will act just by their limited interactions.

I know this movie is not all bad.  Yes the movie looks beautiful and Michael Fassbender is charming in his role as David.  But the philosophy of this movie is so bad I am arguing with an inanimate screen, the plot has more holes than swiss cheese, and the characters are stupid and unlikable.  This movie pissed me off and that is actually a hard thing to do.  As I said before, not even those movies people list as worst movies do not really piss me off.  So that is why I can confidently say this was the worst of the year so far for me.  I would easily see any other movie I’ve reviewed before this.  Battleship?  No problem.  It was actually kinda funny for me.  The Raven?  Why not.  You may think I’m using hyperbole and being unfair and there are way worse movies yada yada yada.  However to me I never want to see this movie again.

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