Master of Disguise (Perry Andelin Blake) 2002

In 1997 Dana had to have a blocked artery fixed.  Doctors operated on the wrong valve and it required five more surgeries to fix.  I don’t want to call the making of Master of Disguise a pity case but I will say it was more a welcomed return to Hollywood.  It probably explains why there are a list of cameos in this movie like Bo Derek, Jesse Ventura, and Jessica Simpson.

So Dana while a good impressionist (kind of a good impressionist anyway) is not that compelling or innovative comedian in his own right.  Besides his impersonations, I have not seen him write any humor or create anything that original.  So what do we do to give him a starring role?  Well we can kind of rip off The Mask and have him do a bunch of goofy characters.  In this movie Dana is Pistachio Disguisey, who is the latest in a long family tradition of, well, masters of disguise.  Evil Brent Spiner kidnaps Pistachio’s father and mother and it is up to him and his tricks to find and rescue them.

So basically this is a thinly veiled attempt to get Dana to do a bunch of impressions.  That’s fine I guess.  So what does Dana do for this kids movie?  A Scarface joke?  Yeah, cause kids will totally get the reference to the ultraviolent Al Pacino movie from the 80’s (it should be noted that impression is AWFUL).  What else?  Exorcist?  Well, that’s the 70’s; we are going back in time.  Jaws (more 70’s).  Okay, I am embarrassed to admit but I smirked at Carvey’s impression of Robert Shaw.  What else?  A Marx Brothers disguise!?  Cripes Dana, do we have to pull out characters that now 95% of your audience hasn’t seen!?  Oh, President Bush, that’s good for a kids movie; won’t get old either.

The impressions only really take up a short amount of time in this movie.  For the most part Dana plays Pistachio which is an even more annoying version of Roberto Benigni.  Let that soak in with you for a little while.  He prances around the screen with your typical stereotypical Italian accent that is so over the top you expect him to say “That’s a spicy meatball” after every line.  There are some other purely Carvey creations I guess for the kids like Gammy Num Nums, Terry Suave, and of course Turtle Guy.  It seems Dana has also taken a page from Tom Green and has taken to playing these characters as annoying as possible and the joke is in watching the actors reactions to these characters.  If there is a joke to be had, it is in watching Spiner’s face as he is in front of Carvey as if to say “Sweet Jesus, this must be record time for killing my career”

Yeah, I feel really bad for Brent Spiner in this movie.  Brent hams this up as much as humanly possible and you really hope he got a better break.  You just feel sad for this man as you know he will not get another shot after this piece of crap.  The script even finds a way to crush Spiner’s hammy acting.  There is a running joke through the movie whenever he lets out an evil cackle it is always interrupted by a tiny fart.  That is a great metaphor for this movie.  Any attempt at real humor gets killed with all the magnificence of a tiny fart.

Mike Nelson called this movie the third unfunniest movie ever made.  I tried, I really tried to find some humor in this movie.  I even tried to go into the headspace of someone who thinks Jerry Lewis is a genius but even that didn’t work.  This movie is just…aggressively annoying.  And what’s more, this movie is only 70 minutes long!  I know I’m complaining I didn’t get ENOUGH Dana Carvey shit fest, but come on!  That’s not even a movie guys.  You had to make a 10 minute credit sequence just to pad the movie out to a pathetic 80 minutes.  I’m not kidding here.  I just can’t see how anyone can find this funny *checks IMDb and finds a 10 star review*.  Yeah, that’s why I don’t  go to the IMDb boards.  God, this movie is a test.


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