Jonah Hex (2010) Jimmy Hayward

Production Budget: $47 million

Gross: $10 million

 

I’ll apologize in advance for the poor quality of this review. I had actually seen this movie a few months ago and for some reason I didn’t write a review for it. Maybe it made so little of an impression I forgot to do it after I saw it. But that being said, I won’t be able to really remember all that which happens in the movie as I would directly after seeing it (obviously).

Jonah Hex is based on a comic book of which I haven’t read. The movie is about a Hex, who’s wife and child were murdered by General Turnbull (John Malkovich). Hex was scarred and nearly killed which somehow gave him the ability to talk to the dead (don’t ask, cause they don’t explain). Hex is now a bounty hunter who is hired by President Grant to stop a plot to take over America by Turnbull using what appears to be Dragonballs.

I simply don’t know what happened to this movie. Apparently the original script by Neveldine/Taylor (writers of Crank) was quite good. Something must have scared the producers or something drastic happened because the movie was deformed worse than Hex’s face. There is no way in hell they would release a 73 minute movie in this day in age when even Yogi Bear (traditionally a five minute cartoon) is over 90 minutes. Yeah, you heard me right. This is barely over 73 minutes. I have read many reviews slamming this movie but frankly, I’m not sure how you can slam something which is so short. Like I mentioned earlier, I forgot to write a review immediately after seeing it.

There isn’t anything really god awful or crappy because we barely have a movie. We have barely enough to establish this anti-hero’s back story, set up the plot, establish some kind of a villain, and wrap things up. I could complain about a lot of things: Hex really isn’t given anything to work with, there are huge plot holes when it comes to his powers, his relationship with Lilah is completely glossed over, Turnbull is almost completely forgotten (which with Malkovich’s acting style is almost criminal), and the story is a watered down version of an even more watered down Crow remake. I could complain about all that, but somehow I feel all that would have been addressed in an original cut. I’m not saying it would have necessarily been good, but it would have been addressed. It feels like the movie should be 40 minutes longer and when you cut that much off, any movie will suck.

There’s not much I can say about the story. It is a basic revenge story. Very basic. Insultingly basic. There are times when the writers try to inject some personality by making it over the top; almost Wild Wild West-ish. This comes with the talking with the dead power, the dynamite crossbow, the gatling guns on Hex’s horse, and the odd Dragonballs/cannonballs which are Turnbull’s devastating new weapon. But as I mentioned, almost every instance of personality is cut out.

Brolin is alright as the title character, but I feel bad for the guy. I know the character has a deformed face, but it doesn’t do well to have your actor grunt all his lines through mashed teeth. I love Malkovich when he overacts but he has nothing to work with. He does absolutely nothing in this movie. A lot of people want to bash on Megan Fox in this movie but she is not the worst thing in this movie. I don’t even hate her in this movie. She just exists. Speaking of completely wasted I’ll finally mention Wes Bentley. American Beauty was a long, long time ago eh Wes?

This movie sucks but this isn’t exactly a movie I hated. Nothing was horrible or really laughably bad but it was horribly gutted. Although, I think even if the unedited cut came out, I don’t think this movie would be any good. It would be just plain bad. As it is on DVD, I would not recommend this movie to anyone. For fans of Hex this will most likely piss you off, for bad movie aficionados there is nothing hilariously bad, and for the general movie going public this is barely a movie. This is a skip all around.

 

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