Broken Lizard Presents: The Slammin’ Salmon (Kevin Heffernan) 2009

I am something of a grinch when it comes to modern comedies. I am hard to please. Most of the stuff I come across is either extremely unimaginative or painfully unfunny attempts at lowest common denominator humor. One group that actually grabs my attention is Broken Lizard. Super Troopers is a personal favorite of mine, Club Dead was a misstep, and Beerfest was better than it had any right to be. So when I was trolling the aisles of the Blockbuster looking for something to watch, my eyes gravitated toward this. I rented it despite my reservations this was the first Direct to Video Broken Lizard film. Well, Slammin’ Salmon is not only the worst film they have ever (and maybe will ever have done) but they all need to be lined up and smacked for making something so unimaginative and lame.

The movie is about a restaurant of the title’s name which is owned by retired boxer Cleon Salmon (Michael Clarke Duncan). Cleon makes a bet to some Yakusa boss and now needs $20,000 by the end of the night otherwise the restaurant will close. So the wait staff have a competition to raise the $20,000 in sales that night and “wacky hijinks” ensue.

It seems like this movie has ripped off every sitcom and movie about working in a restaurant ever. It’s time once again to play “Finish that Joke!” Okay, a young man comes up to one of the waiters asking him to put an engagement ring in the dessert so his girlfriend will find it. Finish that joke! If you guessed someone eats the dessert and has to shit out the ring, then you are a writer for Broken Lizard. But what other tired cliches can we throw in? How about a competition among waiters who can draw in the most tips? Let’s rip that right out of Waiting… Or how about a running gag where the cooks don’t like it when someone sends their food back? How about stereotypical patrons of a restaurant? We have ‘guy who doesn’t order but sits for a long time’, and ‘bitchy couple’, and the movie stereotype of people from the main character’s past who flaunt their success but mock them for working in a restaurant. Wait, we haven’t hit our uninspired crap critical mass yet. Throw in some male nudity and prat falls? GOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLL!!! Of course you have the true indicator that a movie/show will not be funny? It has Olivia Munn in it. Heyoooo! All you people that see G4TV know that…all four of you.

I mean I chuckle a few times but for the most part this movie is a boring slog. When you are even cribbing jokes from Waiting… then you are in serious trouble. You don’t need to see as many movies as I do to predict where the joke is going to end up an hour before it gets there. There’s not that much more to say on the subject. This is flat out boring and unfunny. Even for die hard Broken Lizard fans I recommend you stay far away from this mess.

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One Response to “Broken Lizard Presents: The Slammin’ Salmon (Kevin Heffernan) 2009”

  1. “So when I was trolling the aisles of the Blockbuster ”

    People still go to Blockbuster? Who knew?

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