WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY-THEATRICAL CUT (2007) Jake Kasdan

Jake what happened to you brother? You made Zero Effect which is one of my fav movies of all time. Then you make Orange County and this piece of sh*t!?

This movie…wow. This movie hurt. If I had the chance to rewrite my bottom 10 of 2007 I would slide this movie in somewhere. This was a colossal piece of sh*t. Can we call a ban on spoof movies PLEASE! This is intolerable. When I saw the trailer for this movie I asked my brother “Are they really just spoofing Walk the Line?” He responded by saying they were probably spoofing a bunch of biopic movies and that Walk the Line was just the main target. Well, now that I’ve seen it, I can say they are just bashing Walk the Line. There is one joke about Ray in which Dewey loses his sense of smell and THATS IT!!! And when you think about it, where are all these music biopics we are making fun of. There is Walk the Line and Ray. What other music biopics are there? The Doors, Beyond the Sea (if were really stretching it), Sid and Nancy (not REALLY a biopic though), maybe Elvis? Airplane made fun of dozens of disaster movies which were clogging the multiplexes, and even Scary Movie made fun of an overdone genre. Tell me guys, where is this overdone genre of music biopic movies? Riddle me this Batman: why don’t they make a spoof of those VH1 behind the music specials? Because that is really where the cliched stories of musicians are shown. Each episode is about a meteoric rise to fame, drug or alcohol abuse, a fall, and a semi happy ending.

*sigh*Really this is more a joke about musicians than biopics, and the jokes are as tired as I am after working 20 hours and drinking a quart of Robitussin. Oh, so the Beatles did drugs? I never heard that joke before. THAT’S F*CKING HILARIOUS! Oh, and apparently Bob Dylan uses some confusing metaphors in his music. GENIUS! ORIGINAL! And by the way, you don’t mock Bob Dylan. He has done more in one album than most musicians do in a lifetime. Oh, and you have someone doing an over the top character of Elvis. Bravo Mr. Kasdan! I never expected that. Let me give you guys a few more original jokes for you: Keith Richards has done quite a few drugs, Milli Vanilli lip synched, Metallica gets rather peeved at music piracy, Vanilla Ice looks quite foolish rapping. I could go on. Other jokes they hammer home. They hammer, and hammer, and hammer until it is slammed through to the liquid mantle of the Earth. Dewey trashes his home when his first wife leaves him: okay funny. Then 15 min. later he trashes his bathroom when taking drugs. Ooookay. Then another 15 min. later he trashes a public bathroom for some reason (I dunno). Not funny anymore. Then when his wife leaves him he trashes his bathroom again, then his house, and then cuts his sofa in half. Then when Dewey is trying to write a love song for her he gets frustrated and trashes his music room. DUDE LET IT GO! ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE! I know sometimes comedy is repetition but other times its f*cking annoying. And just when you think the humor can’t get more tired, they make stereotypical jokes about Jews. Mel Brooks and Woody Allen called Jake, they say you’re a f*cking moron and you’re doing it wrong.

One last thing before I stop ranting about the humor. Has my funny bone been removed or is it extremely bad form to make fun of someone dying? Johnny Cash’s brother died and it seriously f*cked up Johnny’s life and was part of the reason behind his drug abuse. Isn’t it extremely poor taste that there is a running gag throughout the movie about Dewey cutting his brother in half with a machete. Cause we are not making fun of a cliche or a commonly used gimmick in biopics. We are not spoofing A MOVIE, we are making fun of a real life event. We are, in effect, laughing at someone’s tragedy. It would be like having a comedy biopic of William Shatner, and having a running gag of his wife drowning. That’s not funny, and neither is this joke. I dunno, whatever.

I won’t lie and say I didn’t laugh at some points (about 4 times during the whole movie). But as they say, even a blind dog finds a bone every once and a while. I only thank God I didn’t see the Unrated version which was almost 30 minutes longer. I might have had to kill someone if I saw that. The reason I consider this one of the worst movies of last year is because so many people were praising it. It got very positive reviews on rottentomatoes, and some were calling it one of the funniest movies of last year. And when you actually sit down and watch it and you are kicked in the balls with its awfulness, it is even worse than watching a Uwe Boll movie. At least with those movies you can have some entertainment laughing at it. This movie, Jake Kasdan, and Judd Aptow can suck my balls. Where’s the Tylenol?

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