Hostel: Part II (2007) Eli Roth

You know, for all I b*tch about Uwe Boll and Paul “The Man” Anderson, at least there is some minor enjoyment to be made with their movies (however relatively small).  I get absolutely no pleasure or enjoyment from watching an Eli Roth movie.  I have NO idea why directors like Quentin Tarantino and Peter Jackson and channels like the Bravo network give the man so much praise you need to jiggle Roth’s zipper in order for them to get any work done.  I think its the fact that Roth is one of the few American directors showing any kind of flair or difference among the dead horror genre they instantly hoist him on a golden pedestal.  Because let’s face facts, the horror genre for the most part is dead.  There may be one movie produced each year that is even remotely watchable but compared to movies of the past they don’t hold a candle.  The Descent is no Alien, The Devil’s Reject’s is no Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Exorcism of Emily Rose is no Exorcist, and even a movie like Hostel is not even as good as I Spit on Your Grave; a B-movie made 30 years ago.

I guess you could give Roth credit for creating the torture porn genre, but the genre is so pathetic and crappy anyway is “credit” really the appropriate word?  Generic slasher movies of the 80’s had the same death and gore, but at least you had a protagonist you could root against.  Here torture porn is about having a**holes being tortured by even more sick sadistic a**holes.  I think if the genre does one thing, it really does expose fans for what they are.  If you were to ask me why I watch horror movie its because I want to be scared.  I want a movie to play with my emotions; to terrify and to excite me.  There is something exciting about sitting and the dark and being terrified by something as simple as a knock or a twig snapping.  People who watch torture porn seem to get their rocks off seeing people carved up in sick twisted ways.  There is no morality, no message, no point.  There is just torture.  I don’t feel anything but boredom.  Hostel Part II bored me so much I took the time to back up my Box office bomb thread, something I had been putting off for weeks.  There’s only so much “Pllleeeeeeaaassse don’t kill me!!!  Puhhhleeaasse, why are you doing this?” a guy can take before he feels the need to do something interesting like doing his taxes.

Hostel Part II has a plot that could be written on a postage stamp.  Basically a couple snobby b*tchy #*&%s take a vacation in Europe and get captured by the hostel people and are tortured and killed.  That’s it!  Oh, how I long for the circle of sh*t in Salo.  There is nothing to recommend about this and nothing to praise.  Boring, pointless, bad…don’t watch it.

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