Appaloosa (2008) Ed Harris

I love a good western and having Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen too; sign me up.  Sadly, this movie ends up as a mixed bag.

Mortensen and Harris are two friends who travel the country hire their services as lawmen.  The people of Appaloosa hire them against an evil rancher (played by Jeremy Irons) who basically runs the town.  Things are complicated when Harris falls in love with a widow played by Renee Zellweger.

Harris and Mortensen are great together as our main characters.  Seeing the two of them kind of pal around and have fun with the material is really the highlight of the movie.  These are friends who know each other perfectly and know each others moves.  A funny little joke is when Zellweger’s character tries to pit the two men against each other but Harris shuts her down because he completely trusts Mortensen’s character.  Irons is also good as the sneering villain, even though his attempt at a drawling Western accent is a little laughable.

Let me take yet another opportunity to talk about how completely fugly Renee Zellweger is.  Oh my f*cking god she is hideous!  It is like hooks have been gouged into her face at all corners and connected with line and horses are pulling as hard as they can to streeeeetch her face as taut as humanly possible.  She is like the mother from Brazil.  What the f*ck happened to make her so vomit inducing ugly.  Heath Ledger in a nurses outfit is sexier than Zellweger.  Just…ugh.

Not to mention the fact Harris and Mortensen are a more believable love story than Harris and Zellweger.  Seriously, the love story subplot is so poorly written and forced that it makes Harris do things which are frankly unbelievable.  Harris is a huge bada** who becomes completely whipped within moments of meeting Zellweger.  It is hard to explain for those that haven’t seen the movie but believe me Harris does things which just have you scratching your head.  I really am not kidding when I say I believe Harris and Mortensen have a homosexual relationship than I did with Harris and Zellweger.

The movie also has trouble coming up with an ending they like.  They have an action blowoff at the 2/3rd point and then Apaloosa just meanders.  It’s like Harris wrote himself into a corner and then just ended it.  I mean, that’s it?  That’s what you’re going with?  Alright.

Now I may be leaving you with the impression the movie sucks, but really I liked more than I hated.  The movie is pulled through through the charm of the lead actors.  There are flaws which keep me from really recommending it.  I would more recommend this as a rental than going out and watching it at the movies.

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