Swept Away (2002) Guy Ritchie

Production Budget: $10 million
Worldwide Gross: $800,000

Swept Away is a remake of the 1974 film of the same name.  Guy Ritchie hired his then wife Madonna in the lead role.  The movie is about a spoiled socialite who gets stranded on a deserted island with a fisherman named Giuseppe.  The two eventually fall in love with each other on the island.  The movie ended up winning five awards at the Razzies:

Worst Picture
Worst Actress
Worst Screen Couple
Worst Remake
Worst Director

Is it any good:  Nooooooooooooooooo.  Like you really needed to be told that.  What can I tell you that you haven’t already guessed.  Madonna looks like Skeletor in this movie and as about as appealing.  This couple has absolutely no chemistry together.  There are some on screen couples that its fun to watch as they love to hate each other.  These two are grating together; even when they are “in love”.  The comedy is dull and forced.

If one part really rubbed me the wrong way it when they finally get on the island where it turns into some male chauvinist fantasy.  Giuseppe is the only one that can catch food so he makes Madonna her slave.  Now, you could say she is only getting her comeuppance for being such a bitch earlier.  But there is a difference between being strict and fair with being an outright pig.  There is a scene that is almost loathsome where Giuseppe nearly rapes Amber because she “deserves” it.  Wow, our protagonist ladies and gentlemen.  The two fall in love but its for no real reason other than they are two beautiful people.  Ritchie tries to go for this star crossed lovers ending which is not built up and doesn’t have any emotional impact.

The best way to describe this movie is lifeless.  The plot plods along with no conflict,  the romance goes through the motions, the comedy is flat, and the characters are unlikable.  Here’s hoping again that Sherlock Holmes doesn’t suck balls.

P.S. Sherlock Holmes didn’t suck.  I am glad.

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