Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009) Andrzej Bartkowiak

Production Budget: $50 million
Worldwide Gross: $10 million

Do you really need me to tell you this is a bad movie?  No, you want me to tell you how bad it is. Lets get this plot crap out of the way first.  Chun-Li’s father, who worked for the evil Bison, is kidnapped when Li is a child.  When Li is all grown up, she embarks on a mission of vengeance.  She is aided by Liu Kang, I mean Gen (Robin Shou), who looks particularly embarrassed to be there.  You also have Chris Klein playing a hard edge cop who doesn’t play by the rules.  Oh and you also have Balrog and Vega as Bison’s hitmen.

This movie is hilarious.  I mean just typing the fact Chris Klein plays a “hard edge cop” almost makes me snicker.  He really tries to Pacino it up as he gives goofy stern looks, grunts his lines, and with his facial hair that looks like its painted on.  Or how about the clearly Asian actress who plays the young Chun-Li, then we flash forward and its the Canadian Kruek playing her.  Or explaining why the whitest actor in the world Neal McDonough is the ruler of Bangkok’s underground syndicate.   And why does he have a “Somebody stole me Lucky Charms” Irish accent?

You can also laugh at the writing.  We have a voice over that states the obvious like a scene where Li is walking down a street and she literally says “I was walking…”  Or the bland fortune cookie monologues about how revenge is not the answer and then her hypocrisy upon going on a REVENGE SPREE!

Laugh at the balls of the movie producers.  They honestly think this was going to the be the start of an entire series of Street Fighter Origin movies!  The movie ends with a near promise we are getting the origin of either Ken or Ryu.  These aren’t characters with a loyal fanbase like Wolverine.  The last bit of exposure people have had to Street Fighter was the f*cking Van Damme movie!

The action scenes are…okay I guess.  What’s odd is we don’t really get that much fighting.  Why is it the average episode of Xena outperforms you on the action front?  Is this really that hard to figure out here?  You make a movie that is nothing of Kruek in skimpy clothes and plenty of leg shots and a good amount of action scenes.  But no, we get a movie which is essentially Kristen Kruek on Walkabout finding her true self.

Even in terms of campiness though, the movie does not and could never outdo the craptastic original.  This is embarrassing and kind of fun ripping apart with others, but I’m still not quite sure its something to recommend on that basis.  But yeah, this is ass, plain and simple.

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