Bloodrayne (2005) Dr. Uwe Boll

Production Costs: $25 million
Worldwide Gross: $3.7 million
Subsequent Earnings: $5 million

It was only a matter of time.  Dr. Boll (yes, he has a doctorate in literature) had been making movies since the early 90’s with movies like German Fried Movie, Run Amok, and Barschel.  So, how did he come to make films like Alone in the Dark?  The story goes that in the late 90’s he fell trying to hang a clock over the toilet when he fell, hit his head on the sink, and got the inspiration to bring crappy video game movies to everyone.  No wait, that was how Doc Brown came up with the flux capacitor.  Whatever, something happened which made him lose his marbles and make these movies.  He started his own production company where he churned out dreck like Alone in the Dark and House of the Dead.  Each of his movies make less money than the last. So how does Dr. Boll keep getting these films funded.  I’ll let Wikipedia explain:

In the DVD commentary of Alone in the Dark, Boll explains how he funds his films:
“Maybe you know it but it’s not so easy to finance movies in total. And the reason I am able to do these kind of movies is I have a tax shelter fund in Germany, and if you invest in a movie in Germany you get basically fifty percent back from the Government.”
Boll is able to acquire funding thanks to German tax laws that reward investments in film. The law allows investors in German-owned films to write off 100% of their investment as a tax deduction; it also allows them to invest borrowed money and write off any fees associated with the loan. The investor is then only required to pay taxes on the profits made by the movie; if the movie loses money, the investor gets a tax writeoff.

The plot is a mess.  Bloodrayne is a half human/ half vampire and she’s trying to get revenge against Gandhi.  And then we have Mr. Blonde and this guy with a mullet fighting Meatloaf and this cross eyed guy and Billy Zane is doing…things.  I dunno.  The movie predictably tanked but he goes on making video game movies.  I don’t even think his greatest bomb has yet to come.  In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is a $60 million dollar production.

Is it any good?  What a silly question.  I can’t believe you can ask that.  The movie is horrible and the Spoony One has already given a proper rant on this movie.  The actors from Michael Madsen to Ben Kinsley and Billy Zane all look depressed that they have to be there.  The dialogue is howlingly bad with lines like “Thrall!  My companion has seemed to have disappeared.  I don’t know what could have happened.”  Meatloaf gives a hilarious performance and the CLANG! sex scene CLANG! is not at all CLANG! annoying CLANG!  It is also very funny to watch Michelle Rodriguez try an English accent.  But this movie is awful and Boll is one of the worst directors today.


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